Welcome to the fourth part of my continuing series of tips by a novice, for novices. This time I’m going to share with you my secret method for approaching any pinball game. Stepping up to a machine you’ve never played before? No idea what the rules are beyond “hit stuff”? Or just too nervous to try anything fancy? No problem. The only three words you need to remember are shoot the castle!
Shoot at this thing, but try to avoid landing your ball on top of it as Joseph has done here.
Most people learn this strategy first by playing every beginner’s favorite game, Medieval Madness. The reason this game is so friendly to novices is that it goes out of its way to help you identify the castle by making it look like a giant castle. Thus, people naturally fall into using the STC strategy. The secret I can now reveal to you is that nearly every game has a castle. The designers just try to cleverly throw you off by not making it look like a castle. So your job, stepping up to a new machine, is to figure out what the castle is.
Some tips for identifying the castle
The classic castle has at least some of the following characteristics:
It’s near the center, and so can be shot from either flipper
It’s large and easy to hit
It’s near the back of the playfield
Hitting it repeatedly gets you something, even if it’s not an optimal strategy
To get you started using this strategy, I have prepared a field guide for identifying the castle in the games at The Avenue.
[table id=6 /]
I’ll see you next time… and remember, shoot the castle! You learned it here first!
I’m back with another round of “Amateur Tips” – advice for novices and from a novice. Today’s installment is all about pinball etiquette. It’s easy to commit a faux pas when you are new to the world of competitive pinball. Fortunately, PAPA’s Player’s Guide to Competition Play is a wealth of information for the new player and contains a whole section on etiquette. It’s important to note, however, that local customs may vary. With that in mind I will help you understand how each of the etiquette rules is interpreted here in the Lansing Pinball League.
PAPA on swearing: “If you must swear to relieve tension, excuse yourself to a private location or do so under your breath.”
Joseph keeping his cool and not swearing at Indiana Jones. (But you can tell he wants to.)
Lansing version: Try to limit yourself to one f-word per game. Use them judiciously; they are best reserved for cases of total bullshit. If you find yourself inclined to swear too often, consider alternatives such as kicking Tekken or writing something dirty about TotAN on the restroom wall.
PAPA on wandering off: “If you must leave mid-game for any reason, even temporarily to use the rest room, inform the tournament director prior to leaving. Leaving without telling anyone, expecting them to wait for you without knowing when you will return, is discourteous to the other players… PAPA rules allow three minutes for the player to return before the tournament director will plunge the ball in question…”
Lansing version: Avoid going to the bar to get your fifth PBR when there’s a big line. Instead, make the league organizer go get it for you. If you’re waiting for a player to return to his or her game more than three minutes, use the additional time to draw an insulting caricature of the absent player and stick it on the backglass.
PAPA on trash talking: “Rooting for particular players is a fun by-product of competition. Don’t hesitate to cheer for your favorite player, but keep any negative comments within the bounds of good taste. There is no need to disparage other players or openly root against them.”
Lansing version: We believe in trash talking only the people who we know can take it. That way it’s as fun and as harmless as shooting a duck with a squirt gun. Note: if someone has won a previous season, that is considered very strong evidence that he can take it.
PAPA on waiting after a tilt: “Waiting for a tilt mechanism to settle is allowed. If the amount of time you plan on waiting is significantly longer than normal for any reason, please explain your situation to the tournament director so he or she may inform the other competitors in your group of the reason for delay.”
Lansing version: Feel free to stand there petting the machine to calm it down for 30 seconds after some ruffian has tilted. If you plan to wait significantly longer than that, we will have Joseph explain pendulum physics to you.
PAPA on cleanliness: “Clean your hands often, especially after eating or using the rest room. All players are forced to touch the same flipper buttons, and all players should work collectively toward cleanliness. ”
Lansing version: Make a point of rubbing the sweat and pickled egg brine off your hands before starting. In a pinch you can use your jeans for this. Better yet, go wash your hands; think of it as an opportunity to read the latest anti-hipster diatribes in the women’s room. (That’s if you’re a woman. Joseph tells me that the men’s restroom walls do not reach quite that level of erudition.)
I hope this translation of PAPA’s etiquette advice will help you settle in to our happy little league. The next league night is coming up on Tuesday; I hope to see everyone on his or her best behavior then!
Welcome to part 2 in my continuing series of tips by a novice, for novices. An important thing to understand when you first join a pinball league is that what pinball players say and what they mean are two different things. I have prepared this handy table to help you quickly interpret the remarks you will hear at league night.
[table id=2 /]
(I owe the last one to Mike G., who once replied thusly to my asking him the goals of a game with which I was unfamiliar.)
For my inaugural post on The Capital Combo I decided to start a series of “amateur tips” – advice from a novice. I am ready to share with you the accumulated wisdom of almostone year of league play. Today’s installment:
Useless Pinball Moves
These are moves that have absolutely no effect, but which I have somehow instinctively picked up. They do nothing, but I feel like I’m doing something, and that’s what’s important.
The Almost Nudge. This was the first UPM I caught myself doing. It involves tapping the sides of the table too lightly for the table to actually notice you’re doing anything. This is an excellent move because you will never tilt doing it.
The Lean. This is an advanced version of the Almost Nudge. Think about the principle of steering a bicycle by leaning, and then attempt to project this psionically to the pinball. This is achieved by leaning side to side as the ball pings between the slingshots.
The Fist Shake. When on the receiving end of Total Bullshit, shake your fist at the machine. Add a threat or a curse to make it even more useless!
A pie chart explaining pinball loss.
The Futile Flipper Slap. After the ball is lost forever, slap the flippers a few times, the harder the better. Ideally, your expression should be affronted or disgusted while you execute this move.
The Supplication Stroke. Before beginning a ball, particularly after the table has been offended in some way (possibly because someone executed the Fist Shake or Futile Flipper Slap on a previous ball), gently pat or stroke the lockdown bar while saying soothing things. I learned this one from Joseph, the Pinball Whisperer.
The Flag of Surrender. This is an instinctive display of harmlessness to avoid further provoking an agitated machine. After an unsuccessful save attempt causes double dangers, throw your hands up into the air where the table can see them and take one or two steps backward while silently praying it will not tilt. I’m not alone in doing this. I’ve seen some highly skilled players do it, too, so I am starting to wonder if it’s not a Useless Pinball Move after all…
